What is this thing called BDSM?

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Joined: December 7th, 2012, 4:49 pm
Alternate name: Kayla, Mistress, Enchantress
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What is this thing called BDSM?

Post by EntrancingKayla »

Since one of the target audiences of this site is mind control, it is important to define how that ties to BDSM and just exactly what BDSM is. There are plenty of misconceptions on what a dominant / submissive relationship entails. It is my mission to dispel those myths and to foster a healthy display of BDSM at the Library of Wonders.

Safe. Sane. Consensual.

It is by no mistake that these three words have been chosen as the BDSM motto. If any of the three are lacking, we are no longer talking about BDSM. At that point, the fine line has been crossed and the dominant has become an abuser.


No D/s relationship can exist without consent. A man forcibly having intercourse with a woman is rape. A man who hits a non-consenting woman is committing assault. Without consent, the 'dominant' is nothing more than a thug. Likewise, the stereotypical bitchy domme who barks demands at submissives is more often than not simply a verbal abuser.

The consent of the submissive is a gift given to a dominant who proves worthy of that trust. The dominant in turn allows the submissive to play out guilty pleasures that they cannot normally bring themselves to admit they enjoy. Social stigma is the paralytic of the submissive. By relinquishing the choice to the dominant, the dominant takes on the responsibility to handle any social backlash from the playing out of a scene.

Contrary to popular belief, the submissive holds the most power in a healthy D/s relationship. With a single utterance of the safe word, everything stops...immediately. Without question. Anything else is now abuse. If a dominant loses a submissive's trust, the relationship ends. There are no life-long pacts of fealty. There is no irrevocable choice. Even in a D/s relationship defined in a reasonable length contract, loss of trust is the end. Game over.

The role of a true dominant is not one of supreme bitch. It is instead one of spiritual guide, caretaker, and life coach. Even in the midst of the roughest of play, the dominant should be constantly considering the impact on the submissive. Tasks and play should be used to focus on teaching the sub valuable life skills or in helping explore hidden desires that are too deep to be voiced openly.


There is no doubt that some submissives prefer to experience play that pushes the limits of safety. Breath play, certain types of rope play, and others push the limits of both the submissive and the dominant. The overriding priority of the dominant is to never let play progress to the point where it becomes a real danger. The submissive depends on the dominant to take reasonable precautions so the submissive can allow himself or herself to become immersed in the experience.

In some cases, the submissive's life is literally in the hands of the dominant. Never take that for granted.


The final part of the motto goes hand in hand with safety. It is the dominant's duty to know the limits of the submissive. The submissive's physical and mental well being hangs in the balance. The dominant should always be open with the plans he / she has for the submissive. Convert training of a submissive to do things contrary to his / her nature is just plain unethical. There is no basis of trust in such a relationship.

Remember at all times that a submissive is a person. While that same person may be the willing plaything of a dominant during play time, he / she will always return to being a person again afterward. Many a D/s relationship has ended in deep emotional scars because of short-sighted oversteps and betrayal of trust.

A dominant should always leave their pets in a better emotional state than when they start. Even a submissive who thrives on pain needs some TLC afterward to reassure them that the dominant cares.

What does this mean for the Library of Wonders?

In each D/s relationship that occurs on the Library, it is expected that the submissive party has given the dominant their trust. That trust can be revoked at any time and the submissive party can walk away from the scene or game without repercussions.

If violence or other more risque behaviors (such as forced sexual relations) are to be played out on the forum, explicit approval by the submissive must be posted in an OOC note in the game thread. Use good judgement in the portrayal of violence and other activities that might be considered illegal without consent.

If asked by a moderator, admin, or another player to tone it down, do so. Failure to comply will result in a warning or ban. Heavier scenes can be taken into PM exchanges if both sides wish it.

We are all here to have fun. Respect your fellow members who come here for the softer side.
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